Sunday, September 13, 2009

My Black Storm


I can't even begin to express my sadness this weekend. My beloved Storm went for a big run earlier this week. When he came home he continued to run and play. In the morning he couldn't get up. I called the vet who came and checked him out. He said that he was in great shape for his age (13 1/2 yrs). He still had great muscle tone, great weight, good eyes and still had all his teeth. He was deaf in one ear though.

He told me that it would appear that he literally ran out of steam and his body needs alot of rest. He told me that even people overdo it when they are having fun and can be bedridden for days, even weeks. I was to give him some time to heal.

It broke my heart to watch him lay on the floor, unable to move or get up. I had to feed him, give him medicine, turn him over and clean up after him. This wasn't my dog anymore, even though he still was all love and smiles.

Then, on Friday morning I noticed something in his eyes. Something had changed. He started to bark and whine. Then came the panting. I just knew that he was in pain and I told myself that I would never be selfish and keep him around if he was ever hurting. I loved him too much for that.

I had kept the girls home because we had been so stressed and sad. We hadn't been getting any sleep. After I called the vet, I called them into the room to tell them that it was time for Storm to go and join Papa in heaven. Papa was calling him home. He needed Storm now.

The vet gave him some morphine and then administered the final shot. The girls and I sat around him, whispering our love and petting him as he left this world for the next.

We are so sad. I walk around the house lost and find myself crying at the silliest things and the weirdest times. Funny how we mourn the loss of a pet as we do a human. I am just as sad and lost as I was when Steve's Dad passed from Cancer.

I have had many dogs come and go throughout my lifetime but he was the most loyal and loving pet I have ever had. The bond I had with him was greater than all others. It is hard to come to terms that he is now gone from my life.

I have to be strong for my girls as their grief matches my own. They have had to deal with alot of grief already in their young years. They keep me focused and strong. I couldn't deal with any of this if it wasn't for them.

We still have Tess and I am grateful for her furry presence. She wanders the house restless and lonely. I am at a loss as to how to deal with her obvious grief as well.

Time will heal the pain. I do know that. It is just so hard right now.



If It Should Be


If it should be that I grow weak,
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done,
For this last battle cannot be won.

You will be sad, I understand;
Don't let your grief then stay your hand.
For this day more than all the rest,
Your love for me must stand the test.

We've had so many happy years -
What is to come can hold no fears.
You'd not want me to suffer so;
The time has come, so let me go.

Take me where my needs they'll tend
And please stay with me until the end.
Hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time that you will see
The kindness that you did for me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I've been saved.

Please do not grieve - it must be you
Who had this painful thing to do.
We've been so close, we two, these years -
Don't let your heart hold back its tears.

Challenge: I would like to hear some wonderful pet stories. I know that alot of you have pets or have had them in your lifetime. Tell a story about a special pet, something they did or a moment your shared. You can blog about it( 2 ballots) and provide a link or you can email your story to me at thynner5@yahoo.ca. You can also just post it below.
Bonus: Use your pet story on a layout for 3 ballots!!
Due Date: Sept 30th
~Tara~

41 comments:

  1. i am so sorry to hear of this. sending many hugs across the miles!

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  2. Oh Tara I'm so sorry!! Pets really are a part of the family! Lots of HUGS to you & the family.

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  3. Tara I am so very sorry, I know just how you feel.

    About 3 years ago while I was in NC visiting my grandkids, DH called to tell me our dog Spanky had gone down and couldn't get back up. He tried for a couple days and she just couldn't get up so he took her to the vet. The vet said she just needed an IV and a couple days of them watching her. DH called and every day and they told him she was getting better. Finally DH went into see her (he was missing her) and what he found made him mad, she was laying in her own pee and was very wet and couldn't get up. The vet brought her into a room and she just couldn't function right. DH decided she had been too good of a dog and didn't deserve what was happening to her so he had her put to sleep (we had talked about this in the past, that we would never let her suffer). He sat there and held her while they gave her a shot. When he called me afterwards, he was still very emotional. It was so very hard because I never got to say my good by to her.

    When I did get home, I saw the poop frozen in the yard and I just broke down. I still have tears missing her even today.

    Because of how very hard it was to have her put to sleep we decided we can't go through it again and will not get another dog.

    I have done layouts in the past and the layout is in my Book of Me as she came to me at the right time of my life (while I was going through a divorce). She was my life and helped through many dark days.

    Tara I am so very sorry and it is okay to cry, the girls will also know how much your cared. Big hugs to all of you.

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  4. Oh Tara!!! I'm in tears for you and the girls! We just lost our 14 YO Zoe last year (Sept 18 is the 1st anniversary) in much the same way. It was quite sudden for her as well. I've got a tribute to her on my blog at http://ginniscrappyworld.blogspot.com if you want to read it. Putting her to sleep was one of the hardest things I've ever done even tho it was definitely the right thing to do. DH found another dog for us in February. I didn't think I was ready yet. Baxter will never take Zoe's place nor is he anything like her. But we love having him here and it keeps the house from feeling quite so empty. Sending lots of {{{HUGS}}} and prayers your way GF.

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  5. I am so sorry. I have a good friend who lost a "forever" dog a few months ago. Her surviving dog had a REALLY rough time. Sarah expected to have a rough time. She didn't expect her dog would. She started training her, and life got better for both of them.

    Information about my friend training her dog can be found here: www.learningwithmydog.com. She writes specifically about her surviving dog's grief in the tab at the top called "Bella's Grief."

    Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. We have four older pets at our house -- including two dogs -- and we can see something similar happening with them. They both love to hike.

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  6. So sorry...thinking about you and your family...

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  7. That is one of the most difficult things to do in this life! I am so sorry for you and your family!!!

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  8. so sorry to hear about this news of your loved Storm.. my heart goes out to you and your family. Sending lots of love to you all. AngieXx

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  9. Tara, I'm so sorrythat Storm is gone. I know that he will always have a speialplace in yur heart.

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  10. Oh Tara, I am so sorry. I know how much you love Storm and how much he means to you. I am sorry that the time came so soon to let him cross the bridge. You have my sympathies. {{{{{{Hugs}}}}}} to you and your family.

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  11. Tara I'm so sorry for you loss, it sounds like he was a very special boy and so incredibly loved.

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  12. When I lost my greyhound I was devastated, for months. ((hugs)) to you and your family.

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  13. So sorry Tara! Our Pets are just like family to us!

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  14. Oh Tara - so sorry to hear about Storm. Lots of love to you and the girls - stay strong. Hugs, Tara

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  15. When you get a chance, read that poem The Rainbow Bridge. My dad had many dogs too, and when he died, we inscribed the poem on his urn. He would have loved it.

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  16. Tara - so sorry for your loss. We lost our beloved pet a couple of years ago and I cried for silly things too. She used to beg at the table and when I looked and she was not there...yep...tears again!! HUGS!!!!!!!!

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  17. OH Tara-my heart is breaking for you and your family! I know how difficult that was for you! Tears are streaming down my face...

    DH and I had a very specil first cat together. (Granted--our current four are special too, but...) Loki- our white stray followed DH home on DH's first birthday after we had gotten married. (To which he had said don't buy me any presents)He called me to the door and asked if we could keep him. I never had a pet and said if you can get rid of the fleas he is welcome to stay. So we kept him. Then the next day DH let him back out while we went to work. Only Loki wasn't at the door when we got home. DH was heartsick he went out lookig everywhere for him...came home no luck...went back out and finally found him. I knew then he was staying and wasn't going out again!

    Loki was a very special cat! Definitely papa's boy but he loved everyone! When I went through a rough patch--Loki was always in my lap to dry my tears. Flash forward 9 years--- a week before DH's bday. WE noticed Loki lost a lot of weight. We took him to the vet, only to discover he had renal cancer. WE could do chemo--but that would give him maybe 6mos. We asked if we could just take him home to spend the night so we could say goodbye. WE kept him a couple more days--taking him back outside --ehich he loved and started acting like a kitten while out there.

    But he couldn't get up onto our bed--so DH set up a series of boxes and chairs to help him get up. Finally the day came(we couldn't do it on DH's bday) It was the hardest thing I have ever done! I thought my heart was going to stop from the pain! WE were walking zombies. When we got home DH scooped up our other kitty and dozed off on the couch. I didn't know how I was going to stop the pain--so I finally grabbed my journal and wrote down everything I wanted to remember about Loki. It helped--though there is always going to be a Loki size hole in my heart. Odin, our other cat worshiped Loki, like his big brother. Odin was just lost. We finally got a couple kittens. Our tomboy, Mandi, started following Odin like he had followed Loki.

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  18. Tara...I am so sorry for your loss. we too have a black lab (11 years) and can't imagine having to go through what you did...even though I know it will happen someday. we are thinking of you!

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  19. Oh I am so very sorry Tara! sending you lots and lots of hugs!!

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  20. I'm so sorry for you and your family. I had two whippets at different times and I had to endure the decision and the moment of sending them on from this world. I know the feeling of the emptiness in the house. Forever in our hearts is their unconditional love....

    Hugs and prayers!
    Mary

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  21. Really sorry for your loss... I know how it feels, it's like the pain will never end, but in time, amazingly it does, well at least a little. As you know, we also lost our beloved pet in April. It's ok to cry. We had him cremated and have it home, it eases the pain. We did however get another pet, and I have to say that it is what helped the most to heal the wounds. Anyway, our other cat was very depressed not to have the othr cat around, it also helped her cope with the loss too.
    (HUGS to you & the family)

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  22. I am so sorry Tara for loss of your family member! Big hugs to you and the girls!

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  23. I am so very sorry for your loss Tara! I was hoping he would perk up, you did the right thing! Huge hugs to you, condolences for your loss! You are so right, pets are family members!

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  24. Sorry Tara to hear this. We had to put Pepper down last year about this time and it is a hard thing to go though. Big hugs to you!

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  25. Oh Tara, my heart breaks for you and your family. HUGE hugs!
    My sister just had to have her black lab put down this past month as well, and I remember well having to let go of my dog I grew up with. You did the only right thing for him.
    Huge huge hugs!
    Jillian

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  26. Oh Tara.... I'm sending all of my love to your and your family.

    I think the hardest death to my furry family was the death of my calico, Nee-Nee. She became a part of our family when I was in grade 2 and lived until only a few years ago. When she passed, my Dad brought her home so I could say goodbye to her and bury her in the yard along with my only dog, Ginger and our rabbits. She still holds a special place in my heart as Storm does in your own! (((hugs)))

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  27. I am so sorry for you and your families loss. I can't belive how much Storm look like my first dog Bear. He has been gone for 13 years and I still think of him. Sending you hugs.

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  28. Awww... I am in tears! I am so sorry.

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  29. Tara, I am so so sorry to hear of your loss. I put my beloved Pug Zoe to sleep almost a year ago - on the 16th. She was my soul mate and best friend. She was only 4 years old and had a brain tumor and was having seizures and it was not going to get better. On the day I let her go she had a seizure and didnt seem to know I was even there. My hope is that she sensed my presence and knew I was with her till the end and how much I loved...and still love her. I still feel terrible guilt in letting her go wishing there I was more I could have done. I never loved another dog like I loved her. Hugs to you and your family.

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  30. Awww ... so very sorry to hear this. {{HUGS}} to you and your family.

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  31. My eyes are full of tears. I remember all the things you talked about. It's an awful thing to go thru. It just takes time and a couple of boxes of tissue to get thru it. Peace be with you and your family. You did the right thing. Hugs

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  32. Oh Tara, I am so so sorry about Storm. My eyes filled with tears reading your story as I feel the same way about my dogs as you do about Storm. There is that incredible bond and the hardest thing is the day when we one day have to lose our beloved pets. :(
    I'm thinking about you and your family, hugs to you all

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  33. so sorry for your loss. sending you my hugs and love.

    janis

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  34. Oh Tara... I'm so sad to hear this. I too lost such a sweet little dog.. his name was Coal - a very miniature poodle (the runt of a littler) that we rescued. He used to drive me nuts with his constant tongue licking (a nervous tick) but he was such a happy, yappy, loving little dog that I even missed the 'tick'... the house just wasn't the same.

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  35. So sorry to hear about Storm ( still in tears from reading your story)..we are a huge pet lover household! Currently we 3 cats...my oldest is Sylvester a 14 year old brown Tabby...my man..lol my husband and I have had him almost since we have lived together...he is getting old and feeble but is still in good health so far...but I just know I'll have to deal with his loss and it will break my heart as well as my families, we also have Tissue who is Ham!! he really is my oldest daughters cat..she can do anything she wants with him....and then for the baby 3 months kitty Moose..who is now the torment of the family but just too cute for words..
    Pets make us whole I think...my life wouldnt' be complete without at least one...
    many hugs sent out to you and your family

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  36. so sorry for your loss ((((hugs)))

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  37. i'm so sorry to hear this. i am a major dog lover and a mom to two furbabies, so i understand the connection and bond.

    HUGS to you and your family...
    sarah.

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  38. So sorry for your loss. I have never had my own pet but we went through the same thing with my husbands family dog. Nobody wanted to see her suffer anymore and decided to have her put to sleep. We were there petting her just like you guys were. It is a tough decision but is definitely the right one. Only time will help with such a loss.

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  39. omg Tara I am so sad as I read this I know how you feel and sympathize with your situation as you look for a way to heal and find it hard to deal with. Storm sounded like a wonderful friend.
    Lots of hugs for you and your family.
    Shannon L'Heureux

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